Thursday, 5 May 2011

Foul play

Bonjour! Phew, what a day. Parenting highs and lows. Tried to get Bea to eat a kiwi this morning. She refused without trying it, so being the genius I am, I asked her how she would feel if someone said they hated Hannah Montana without having watched an episode first. She said quite simply that she would say they were silly and then she took a moment, lent back in her chair and said "and I'd say they were a stupid bitch". NICE. Was obviously deeply proud. I took K to one side and advised him to watch his language in the car as he has serious road rage issues. I also took myself to one side and advised me to have all phone conversations in private. My language has also caused Ted to learn the word 'bum'. He is excellent at saying bum now, having delighted in practising it over and over and over again to our elderly neighbours. And finally as I was getting five children out the door for a 'fun' trip to the park this afternoon, I was being a little narky doing up yet another shoe before departure, when I grabbed my phone from George and realised he had taken a picture of me doing up the shoe narkily and was about to text it to a friend with the word 'Ogre' at the top of it. I managed to grab it just before he hit send. How he managed all of that is a total mystery as he isn't the most advanced four year old in the world, in fact quite the reverse - just goes to prove how easy an iphone is to work.

Onwards from my disappointing parenting as there is good news! I am not a medical marvel, I have in fact lost weight!! Huzaahhhhhhh. Three and a half pounds to be boastfully precise. Feel like a weight loss heroine. Went to yet another meeting today to be all leadery and official and managed to sit in the wrong hall for half an hour wondering where the hell everyone was and why it was all set up for an old biddies luncheon - complete with plastic blue and red check tablecloths. I rang the leader to start with who said she was stuck in traffic, so I sat and waited some more. Then I was quite terse to the creepy looking caretaker who asked if I had come in to vote (I hadn't, the polling station in the foyer was very clearly sign posted and I am not illiterate) but it turns out he was just wondering what the heck a dolled up 30yr old in wedge heels was doing waiting next to the tea and coffee station of an old biddies luncheon. With ten minutes to go before the meeting started, he walked in with another old man, I asked if the wibblies meeting was in this hall and he looked relieved, laughed and informed me that no, it was in fact down the stairs, turn right and in the hall in the building next door. Realised that actually he wasn't at all creepy he was just intrigued as to why I was so self assuredly sitting in the wrong hall. Didn't have time for embarrassment as I legged it out uttering profuse thank yous. I found the correct venue, weighed in about a million people to the sounds of the leader uttering 'appy dayyys' to those pleased with their weigh in results and 'babe' every other word. HATEFUL. Then I did the talk which went ok, one woman even said I inspired her. My heroine feeling was boosted further.

Came home to a peaceful home and K feeling smug at coping admirably with the five children I had entrusted to his care (two extras as school shut for polling day). He even offered to cook me a wibblies supper. I produced a recipe and he went to Tesco to procure ingredients. It turns out his education is lacking somewhat as he couldn't find any apricots and got the female assistants in Tesco to help him as he thought apricot was another word for peach. They were greatly amused when he produced the wibblies recipe and then informed him that apricots were out of season and out of stock. So he rang his mother, who told him to get tinned ones. Anyway, the point of that story is that I can't be long because the chef is about to serve up my tinned apricots and low fat sausages. YUM.

Oooh - but you shall all be pleased to know that I HAVE voted. I went with No in the end as there were only two voices for the Yeses and they were lefty loving liberals.  And on to further excitement. Ted has had a good day. I can't even believe it but he has been happy all afternoon - hasn't hurt anyone, turned off the tv whilst the others were watching it, screamed, hit me or broken anything. He didn't even run away at the park. I am still in shock. He was charming, adorable, sociable, funny and content. It is beyond my wildest imaginings. I have written it in this so I remember tomorrow when he will no doubt return to his former self.

(stupid thing won't spell check and I can't be arsed so you'll have to do it yourself)

Buenos noches everyoneos.

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