Thursday, 1 December 2011

Striking abilities

Hello. I have been on strike. No one has ever paid me anything for writing this and I don't even have a pension which is just terrible. So, I took the week off. Plus I have developed stage fright. I read a blog that is much better than mine and I have felt ridiculously inferior ever since. I am not in the least bit competitive which means that if I see someone doing something better than me I just down tools and give up and let them win. It hasn't bought me fabulous wealth or anything but I am not a particularly stressy person and I am unlikely to ever have an ulcer. There are plus sides to all things.

When I first started work I used to take unofficial strike days. I was paid so horribly little in my terribly 'glamorous' PR job (12k a year) that I felt I deserved time off in lieu, so once every few weeks if I could, I would do nothing but sit and email people all day long (there was no facebook nine years ago so it was email or shop and obviously there was no money for shopping). I had struck up a sort of pen pal friendship with a journalist up north and so that took up a nice chunk of time, as did emailing all of my friends, other colleagues etc. I loved my unofficial strike days. I miss them. I mean I have some once in a blue moon but the repercussions of me sitting on my arse all day and doing nothing around the house means that there is a hell of lot more for me to do for the following few days. No one wins in that situation.

So, where did I leave you, oh, the journey to Suffolk. It was ok - long and arduous but we got there in the end. I did Christmas shopping on Saturday, the children played, I ate and slept, all good. The journey back was less than brilliant. We were attempting to get back in time to attend the Christmas Fair at the local community centre and spend some time QT with K on his birthday but as it happened, five minutes in to the journey Ted threw up. Not just a little, but one hell of a lot. All over himself and his car seat. I pulled into a very convenient village car park in front of a very convenient village shop and told everyone to calm down. (The other children were gagging and I was panicking slightly). I got them all out - Ted still strapped in to his car seat with the sick all over him - and put him on the tarmac while I thought about what to do next. I sent Bea to run into the shop to get the baby wipes - she couldn't find them - I sent her in to look again - she came out again because she didn't have enough money and then on the third attempt she came out triumphantly waving the baby wipes. I stripped Ted, covered him in coats and put him back in the car. Bea found me a small stick so that I could start fishing out lumps of sick from the many small plastic crevices they had found there way into. I wiped furiously at the sick on the car seat cover with the babywipes and became increasingly freezing cold. The big two amused themselves merrily and noisily with a massive stick/branch and Ted looked on from the car, for once oddly quiet. After around 20 minutes, enough sick had been removed for us to continue the journey. Everyone was loaded back in, strapped in and Ted demanded to have his bottle of milk back. I obliged (anything for a quiet life and I had wiped the sick off that too) and he went to sleep. In fact they all did and aside from the smell, it was one of the easiest journeys home I've ever had. However just as we got to the A2 Ted awoke and puked again. I skillfully managed to catch it this time, in a baby wipe, with my left hand as I continued to drive with the right. There are not enough opportunities to tell people about such skills. Imagine if you could put it on your CV - "My ability to multitask is second to none, for example I can catch sick and drive...".  Anyway, second sick sorted we soldiered on until we were around the corner from home when he was sick again (in hindsight the milk might not have been a great idea). So, to cut a long story short, the journey took ages and our first greeting to K as we pulled up to the house on his birthday was 'GET BABYWIPES' - (we had now run out) and then he had to help sort out the sick. His birthday improved momentarily when Ted was calm, sickless and in front of the telly so that the big two and I could present K with all his cards and gifts (only three gifts as I am poor) and put candles in his apple pie (he doesn't eat cake).  It then came to a crashing halt when I started to feel very ill and had to lie down. Then I went to bed as I felt even worse. Ted had by this point improved, stopped being sick and was being quite vocal about wanting me, and only me. K spent the rest of his birthday looking after an angry Ted and the big two as I lay in bed and then eventually puked as well. I went to bed at 8pm and K had to load and move my car in preparation for my ww meeting in the morning. It was not the best birthday he's ever had. He was not thrilled.

OOOH that is exciting. The free toys arrived yesterday! In a massive box - just as I was cooking tea. I cleverly told the children the delivery was for a neighbour and when they went to bed, decanted the toys in to bin bags and K has hidden them at work so the children have been left with just the box which has caused so much excitement it is untrue. It has been turned into a rocket and G has instructed me to take pictures so that he can show all his friends as he has been telling them how cool it is. (They spent a lot of time this morning drawing buttons and levers on the inside but essentially it is still a brown cardboard box so I'm not sure what to do re. pictures). They might like the box but I am still a little high about getting £220 of free toys. You don't get as much as you might think but it is satisfying nonetheless to know that Bea's sodding Lotso Huggin Bear hasn't personally cost me £33. I shall be shopping at Tesco an awful lot from now on. Next Christmas is going to be a doozy with a whole year to grab as many points as possible.

What else has happened in my dull little world? Oh yes, the strikes. It actually worked out as being rather great for us in the end. Or me actually. I stayed in bed until 8.30, pyjamas until 11.30 and we didn't leave the house until 2pm - bliss. The extra child was with us all day which worked out perfectly as they always want longer to play with each other and when he comes after school one or other of my children is normally tired and emotional so that a lot of their games ends in tears and tantrums. As they were all fresh from a night's sleep the morning flew by with no tears and no tantrums - I even got the ironing done. After Ted's sleep we went to a park, just in time for the rain, they ran around for an hour and a half in and out of the rain, we came back, had popcorn and then extra child was picked up. Still no tears or tantrums and more importantly no school runs - more bliss. I am wholeheartedly behind the strikes until they start to affect me adversely, but for now, I say let's do it again peeps. I'm not sure anyone won anything from the whole thing but I had a good day as did the children, and let's face it, that's all that matters.

This is crap so I'm giving up.

GOODBYE. I might be back if I can think of something worthy enough to spout about. I'm hoping the dentist pulls something out of the bag next week - she was singing whilst sorting out my rotten tooth today - not enough to be totally weird but definitely on the cusp.  On the plus side she did say that the size of the decay in my tooth was 'amazing' and that she was very surprised the tooth had remained in tact around it. I was most impressed with my ability to decay a tooth effectively. Perhaps this is something I can win at - surely there can be no one better than me at decaying a tooth inside whilst keeping it in tact oustide? I might even put it on my CV along with my sick catching multi tasking skills.  Jobs will be throwing themselves at me when I retire from child rearing.


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