Thursday, 20 October 2011

Raging Tyres

There is much to talk about but first I must share this with you. Every now and again I idly look up how people who read my blog have found me - shockingly it is mainly from Facebook where I post the link on my wall  - but there are also a few from netmums or similar and occasionally people accidentally stumble upon me thanks to a google search for something entirely unrelated like Spa + SE23 or similar. However this week, someone found my blog after putting in the following search words "head to toe measles beaver".  Is it just me or is that a) an hilarious search full stop and b) not something I would ever have believed in a million years would lead them to a blog from an overweight suburban housewife. I am tempted to read each and every post to find where those words all make an appearance.  I suppose Beaver could have come from Bea going to Beavers and head to toe is pretty common but put them together with measles? I am mystified. I am also amazed that the number of UK and US readers are almost the same. It came as a total shock. I do have a sister in America so that would explain a few of the page views but I doubt she has time to click on my page a hundred times a week which means that there must be actual people in America catching up with my comings and goings. Surely there must be a lot that is lost in translation. Still, I am grateful and will remember not to be rude about Americans in the future.

Today has been massively hectic - in my world. I imagine someone with importance in the World would view my day as quite restful - in particular I am thinking of Nicolas Sarkozy who allocated a full half an hour of quality time to meet and greet his newborn daughter before jetting off to another important meeting. In comparison to that my day was a breeze, but still hectic in comparison to a usual day. Four trips to and from the school - two school runs and two parent teacher meetings - playgroup, food shopping, over an hour at a garage with Ted waiting for them to replace my illegal tyres and puncture - house tidying, meal preparation and a road rage incident. I did get to sit down once they were all in bed only to find K distinctly disinterested in a bloody football match but resolutely refusing to change the channel until the dulltastic crap ended. That put me in a good mood.

I will start at the most interesting part first - road rage. A STUPID BITCH WOMAN and a slightly less rude man blocked in my car at school pick up with their illegally parked cars so that after I had picked up, walked out and strapped in four children I then had to wait for a further fifteen minutes before either of the idiots graced us with their (in one case considerable) presence. The considerable female was cross with me for being cross at her and used the ridiculous defence that she 'wasn't the only one doing it'. STUPID. I lied to emphasise my point by saying that we had now missed our Doctors appointment I had waited all week for. She was unmoved - to be honest, she was 'that type' - I don't think she'd have cared if I said I was bleeding to death and she had stopped me seeking urgent medical attention. She was, in my humble opinion, ridiculously selfish. The male arrived after the slanging match between me and the considerable woman had concluded and did at least apologise politely so I just slammed my door shut and shouted through the closed window at him. I think I might have overreacted a tad. I mean, it's not like I am Nicolas Sarkozy and they were eating into my valuable half an hour with my newborn daughter or anything. Also I should admit that the children were quite happy in the car and just wanted me to stop being angry but still, it's the principle. The double parking issue in the road outside school is long and documented and people know full bloody well not to do it, and if you do double park, do it bloody quickly, don't hang around chatting in the playground as if you have not a care in the world. GRRRRRR.

I would never normally use the car for the school run but Ted and I had just hot footed it back from the garage after the illegal tyre replacement which took a lot longer than expected and there was not enough time to dump the car and get to school in time.  It also means that I have to go back to the garage yet again to get the tracking sorted - that will be the third day in a row - Wednesday to price and order the tyres, Thursday for tyre fitting and Friday for tracking. Cars are SO DULL. And expensive. At least it means that the trip to Suffolk on Saturday will now be a safe and legal one. I for one am muchos excitedos about our half term country trip. Lie ins, good food and cashmere loo roll are all awaiting. (Word has reached the woman herself that I have told you all she has cashmere loo roll and is exceptionally keen that I point out that it 'was on offer' in Waitrose and she would never waste money on such frippery at full price - I hope you are all relieved.)

Parent teachers - nothing exciting - usual. Both children are normal. Neither has two heads or two brain cells. As far as I can tell everyone is told pretty much the same thing when the children are so small. I think with infant schools it's all standard fodder for the parents - they are learning to read and write, some better than others. I would dearly love it if this wasn't the case so that I could boast about my two perfect children as a reflection of my considerable brilliance, but alas I have produced standard offspring as a result of my standardised parenting. The only bit of excitement was Bea being put on the smiley face for correctly identifying a Foo Fighters song and I cannot take credit for that as her 'cool' music knowledge comes courtesy of K. Clearly I have only taught her Adele, lots of soundtracks, Hannah Montana and just recently Five courtesy of The Vault music channel - genius invention.

I think that's bought you all up to date. Scintillating stuff I know. I am going to have a bath and mentally prepare myself for the Harvest Festival Concert tomorrow. Bea is looking forward to my 'loser' signal but I am dreading the whole shebang. I have tried to offload Ted so that I might take some pleasure in sitting through the singing but he is, as ever, my constant companion and I shall have to pack a mighty arsenal to get through it with him. His current propensity to run away could cause a bit of scene so I am going to have to be a bit imaginative. Or dastardly. Either way I will let you know. Until then amigos. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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