Bonjour, hola, hello and welcome. I have been trying to catch you up for ages - sadly every time I put it down on virtual paper it all sounds ridiculously dull - I keep trying to 'sex it up' to make it more appealing for you guys but that has meant that it hasn't got written so I'll just say it 'as it is'. Sorry.
I went OUT. YES OUT. I exited the house in a gay fashion totally alone. Alone I tell you, alone. Toute seule. It was fabulous. I mean I only walked down the road to the school to sit on a child's chair at a child's table and answer quiz questions based on the children's curriculum but still, it was a night out of the house with no actual children and no one wanting to feed off me. I met Cybil's Godmother there and we merrily caught up, drank a lot of wine and attempted to answer questions and it was all treeeeemendous fun. I even surprised myself by knowing the answers to about ten questions which was thrilling, although sadly I was not believed for half of them which was fair enough as I didn't know I knew half of them. I even knew a character called Rainbow Bright which is amazing as I have no recollection of her or from where she hails. So strange. Anyway - the night itself was a huge success however the Cybil aspect of the equation was not as successful - having promised K I would be home by 10.30, the final round of the quiz began at five to eleven and I felt that I really did need to see it through to the end however at around the same time I received a text from K telling me that Cybs had been awake for half an hour and was incredibly unhappy and that Bea had awoken due to the noise. I asked, via text, if I needed to come back. K replied, 'no, you stay as long as you like'. I, being ever the hopeful drunk romantic, assumed that he was willing to suffer the noise and annoyance so that I could finish my first night out in a bloody long time and continued to help with the last quiz round on film music (I got one wrong and one right so I cancelled myself out and may as well have left). I texted him to say thank you and to officially approve any actions he wanted to take as regards Cybs. Eventually the reply arrived and it involved the 'f' word. It turns out he had chosen a very inopportune time to try sarcasm in a text. Upon the receipt of the 'f'ing' text I grabbed my coat and hurried home to silence the mewling infant.
The following day I felt the full force of my first night of over indulgence and by 7.30 am I was sat cross legged in my beloved onesie on the floor of Bea and G's bedroom with my head in my hands and started to wail about how on earth I was going to get them up and out. Mercifully Bea was being kind and helpful and after I had some tea and toast I felt well enough to get me dressed and the children fed. I also knew that I was aiming towards sitting in the hairdressers for my first hair cut since November which helped considerably. I deposited the big two with their respective schools and dropped Ted with a kind friend to play with her son. My baby childcare fell through at the last minute but luckily Cybs was either very tired or slightly drugged from the drinking I did the night before as she sat very happily on me and drifted in and out of sleep for hours. It was glorious. The only slight issue was that it was costing money we don't really have. Should you be someone who is contemplating giving up work forever I must warn you that getting your hair done will be a bone of contention for the rest of your life. For some reason, and I don't know why, K having his hair cut once a month is a 'necessity' but me having my hair done every few months is a 'luxury'. I don't know if this is true for every household but it certainly is in ours. It is a major issue and I will admit to having a rather large, hungover style paddy on Friday a.m when the subject of payment reared its ugly head once again. To be fair if he had lots of money he wouldn't grumble and is quite generous however when money is tight it is incredibly irritating when I know full well that he will leave the house and think nothing of buying an extortionately priced pack of flipping cigarettes but has a major issue with me getting my lanky hair cut and coloured for an extremetly reasonable price. GRRRRRR. And so it is that the downside of not having your own income is a. your wardrobe is crap and b. your hair and make up are not deemed necessities however there will always be money for fags and booze however tight the budget.
Mother's Day. Now I should imagine your day was ever so slightly marred by my lack of contact. I know it is now traditional for me to spend the afternoon alone and writing to you guys but this year I broke with tradition and decided to surprise my mum with a round trip to Suffolk. It would have made a fantastic surprise too if it wasn't for my beautiful but slightly moronic nephew who misinterprated my text asking what 'mum' was doing for mother's day and assumed I meant his mum and not mine. The ensuing conversation I had with him was clearly at cross purposes too but we didn't realise our misunderstanding until I was on my way down to Suffolk first thing Sunday morning and my mother rang. It would appear that the beautiful nephew turned around after our conversation and informed my mother that I would be coming down to Suffolk but that I would definitely NOT be coming to see her and that I was instead planning to spend the day with my sister. It didn't occur to the beautiful boy that it might be a tad hurtful to callously inform his grandma that I would be driving for nearly four hours in a day and coming to within five miles of her house on mother's day but not bothering to even drop by and deliver my missing card. It seems quite hilarious now but obviously at the time I was a trifle annoyed as it was meant to be a fabulous surprise for her and indeed be her 'gift' as I hadn't even remembered to post her card in time so this was really meant to make up for that. I haven't spent time at mum's without more than one child for over six years. It was remarkable to see what it it is like when we're not there and it is quiet. It was lovely. I had planned for us to do something 'grown up' like going out for a long walk up to visit dad's grave or even go in to town but when I arrived mum was half way through a Sunday Roast for my nephew and niece who was also over. I clearly enjoyed the benefits of this roast and even had time to eat it as mum held Cybs so it was well worth the long car trip. Unfortunately mum was worried about the cost of my Diesel so she also gave me money for my return journey. I think I may be the only adult who ended up making her mother cook for her, cost her money and inadvertantly caused her distress for the night preceding mother's day. Still, it all worked out in the end - I arrived home to find the big three in bed and K cleaning the kitchen. I also got some lovely home made cards - Ted got very in to it and I had about four from him. All in all it worked out beautifully, both mothers visited and acknowledged and I got a rest. Perfect.
Other than that very little has happened. Expressing milk is a total no go. I have no idea how people do it. Or when. I tried to have a go at the weekend in the evening after Cybs had gone to bed (she does that now, finally - it is all very exciting) and I got just over one ounce of milk from both boobs. It was massively disheartening - especially as she just gagged on it when I tried to introduce her to it via the bottle. I then tried again a few nights later and got absolutely nothing. Not even a drop. Which reminds me yet again why I hate expressing so much, because even in the face of quite obvious successful breast feeding I began to worry that I wasn't actually producing as much milk as I thought. I am giving up on the whole expressing idea - especially as there is an awful lot of faffing involved with it. I am attempting to leave the house once again tonight for the Actual Night Out I started all this sleep training/expressing malarkey for in the first place so I am very hopeful she will sleep peacefully and allow me to inhale my pizza without worry. Mercifully there is no drinking tonight as I will be driving. I don't think I could live through another hangover with this many children and this little sleep behind me.
So, that is it. Not sexed up and a bit matter of fact. But at least you know what has happened. I must go and pick up Ted and attempt a restful afternoon before all the excitement tonight. I may finally have got Cybs to sleep in the evening but I still struggle to stay awake. Not only was last Friday a nightmare for me but I also ended up going to bed at 7.30 which was a good three hours after I wanted to go to bed. I am definitely not young anymore.....
Until the next time. Au Revoir. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx